I Know It Now

I’ve made up my mind
I’m not going to hate,
I’m not going to wait
To relive my mistakes.
I’ve made up my mind
I’m not going to stumble,
I’m not going to crumble
From the weight of my wrongs 
Maybe all along

I’ve been too humble, too proud;
Left alone with everyone, by myself in a crowd;
Standing cautiously on an edge, too silent, too loud.
I know it now.

There’s not much to see
Just apathy
You know about me—
I usually get what I should.
I really don’t care.
Although it always depends
On who are my friends
The rest can all go to hell,
Maybe just as well

I’ve made up my mind
As I stand apart
Somewhere in my heart
I’ll still find my love.
With all of my mind
With all of my soul
Not playing a role
I’m just who I am,
Blessed or damned.

I’ve been too outward, too coy
Seething with patience, easily annoyed
I’ve been struggling with Skinner, fighting with Freud

I know it now.